I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
