This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize