he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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