I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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