WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
being pregnant is like rehab
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
