Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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