im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
