we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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