it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
