My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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