watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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