can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
