if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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