We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
