He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
