So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
