I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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