kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
