So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
