she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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