and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
