My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
