I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize