ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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