i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
