Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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