I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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