some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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