I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
