I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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