my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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