Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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