it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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