Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
