you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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