ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
