plz talk dirty to me
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There's always time for handjobs
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
