I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
