note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
