I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
