I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
