its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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