Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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