Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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