is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
