Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
