so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize