He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
These tits shall not be calmed
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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