I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
