Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
