dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
