How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize