Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
