My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
