i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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