Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
