So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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