fuck your aforementioned shoe
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
