I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize