mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You're a disaster
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