what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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