Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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