you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
