I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
