There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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