In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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