My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
