did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize