I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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