Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I want her autograph on my taint
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
