I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
