You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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