the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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